5 steps to put your boundaries up!
As promised in my last article I am going to write a bit more about boundaries today. It’s a broad and fascinating topic! But I will try to squeeze it into a short and easy to digest read.
Being a counsellor I went through the whole journey with boundaries. From learning about them, through realising that mine were either non-existent or far too low. Then I needed to accept my imperfections and re-evaluate the areas where healthy boundaries required an immediate application.
I don’t often meet people with healthy boundaries. And if I do, they are either professionals, or those who have worked on themselves for some time already. Rarely, there are people who have experienced healthy attachments during their formative age. The latter is a very very seldom occurrence. Most of us went through some challenges in our past that were not resolved at the time, and we continued to carry them into our current lives.
Safe outer limits that we both, recognise and implement will determine how well we interact with others and how satisfying our lives can be.
So when do we know that we need to either revise or apply boundaries?
Here are 5 signals that may help identify that:
1. You have regular difficulty with saying NO to others, especially your loved ones
2. After meeting particular people, you often feel drained out of energy and tired
3. You engage in a negative self-talk and you are angry or annoyed with yourself
4. You often blame other people or situations for your misfortunes
5. Your relationships are often challenging and you struggle to express your feelings
If you found yourself saying yes to most of these above, don’t panic – you can put your boundaries in place or change them at any time. They evolve as you do!
Lack of boundaries can be dangerous. For you and those around you. Both parties are at hazard of being hurt, upset, misunderstood, misled, abused or insulted on many levels.
And here are the very basic 5 steps that will help you with getting into the mode of re-establishing your healthy personal zone. Essentially this will result in positive relationships on both, professional and personal levels.
1. Start paying attention to what your body is telling you and truly follow this guidance
2. Stop apologising for things you are not responsible for and are out of your control
3. Start saying NO when you really feel like it and enjoy it!
4. Stop thinking of others before you, and put yourself first – otherwise you will always come second
5. Find your real authentic self and start being YOU
If you do have a tip about how to set up safe boundaries, please do share it here – we are here to help each other, and I love hearing from you!