Put others first! Why?
What happens when you decide to take control over your life?
Everything goes crazily pear-shaped! And I’m not kidding!
When I finally reached the point of understanding that my personal well being and satisfaction leading to happiness, derived from self development, self improvement and self growth, the only keys to an ultimate level of joyful living, my life turned up side down in an uncontrollable way!
To effectively achieve the ultimate level of euphoria I needed to completely and utterly change the ways I used to live, up until that point then.
What does it mean?
It means that I needed to:
– adopt a new, alternative approach towards life, something totally new to me,
– I had to exercise an unknown, completely different mind-set,
– I had to learn to master the mind-set that contradicts everything I was once conditioned to, from the day I was born…
To begin your journey with self-development and consequently radical transformation, you need to become The Number ONE in Your Life, i.e., the most important creature in your social circle and you need to start acting.
Knowledge is not enough, you need to practice!
Are you ready for this innovation? It will require from you to stop thinking ‘this is selfish’ and replace it with ‘I am important’. Are you ready to abandon your so well known comfort zone of being what others want you to be?
Comprehension of this secret doesn’t come easily, effortlessly or even wilfully. On the contrary, it causes mental discomfort, feeling of guilt, distress and even anxiety, only because this is so against everything we were ever exposed to and taught.
When we are born we are conditioned to please others, we hear things like “you are a good girl, or you made mummy or daddy so proud or happy”, “If you won’t do that you wont get that” etc. By repetitively hearing these we learn that we need to please others to achieve praises and acceptance, thus externally generated happiness. This is the major cause of so many people being involved in toxic and dangerous relationships, they don’t know that they have the right to leave!
What we feel and think is overwhelmed with the expectations of our ‘significant others’ and those who care for us. Our minds are not open to endless opportunities, but directed and ushered towards the dreams and targets that are often not ours…Our minds are so limited, since our childhoods.
So, basically this is the reason we feel discomfort when we try to put ourselves first. This is also the reason why so many of us, regardless of how perfectly our lives look externally, are so unhappy and depressed internally. We often find ourselves in shock to find out that ‘someone’ whose life appeared to us so perfect committed suicide…Why? Because they were unhappy and unheard, or mostly they didn’t communicate what they really wanted…they were making others lives happy as that was the way they were taught.
We need to break the pattern and start from ourselves! Completely from scratch, find our own ways to feel joy, contentment and satisfaction. To do that our focus needs to be on US. We need to start asking ourselves those questions: ‘What do I want?, Who do I want to be? How do I want to live? Who do I want to share my life with?’ We can achieve it through personal reflections and being attuned with our bodies and minds, then we can share it with others, not the other way around…
This simple shift in our behaviour will cause mayhem to some! Many of those around us will not support our newness. You may experience all sorts of unpleasant and unpredictable behaviours from them. Why? Because by positioning yourself first, you position them second.
Not everyone is on the same level of growth to comprehend that, to accept that and to celebrate it with you. Not many, I would say from my very empirical experience. But let them be, and carry on bringing about your own happiness derived from your inner self, from what you really want. The moment you will get it, the right people, the positive tribe will gather around you. You will no longer need to please anyone to be happy, you will please if you will wish to. This is a subtle difference.
What sort of personal trainer would you love to hire to teach you how to lose weight? Someone who is obese but has the knowledge? Or someone who once was obese but practiced the knowledge and became a role model with an amazing body and mindset?
To learn certain skills, or become an expert in a certain area we can do two things.
1. We can try to be self-sufficient and find the way ourselves, however, it may take time and lots of effort or
2. We can model and follow an example of someone, who like us was once where we are now.
The choice is always yours