Separation from my daughter
Judy, 65, Retired Teacher, London, 2019
I contacted Agatha in the hope of understanding a relationship problem with my daughter who has cut off all communication with me, without explaining why. Agatha helped me to truly acknowledge that we see things differently from each other and to accept this. Immediately, I felt a great weight leave my shoulders. I have learnt that I don’t need to control others lives by helping them to run smoothly, but to allow my daughter and other family members to take responsibility for their decisions and actions.
For many years I was almost living as a single parent while my husband worked away and even when he was home, didn’t engage with our three children or help out in any way. I took sole responsibility for everything and didn’t ask for his help. I found it very hard to accept this was my fault, as I had done all the hard work! Agatha help me talk to my husband calmly and explain how I felt unsupported. She explained that by showing my strength to my children, and not actually showing my feelings, may have led my daughter to not be able to express her feelings either, but to bottle up her problems leading to some depression. I learnt she had been depressed by reading an article she wrote and published online. In turn it seems this led to her feelings of low self worth. We also have a son with learning difficulties and mental illness which would have been very hard growing up with. It seems this has caused my daughter a lot of pain, which she wasn’t able to discuss with me.
Agatha helped me understand that cutting off all communication from me was our daughter’s decision alone, and that I don’t need to feel the responsibility for that decision.
While I feel incredibly sad not to see our daughter and her family, with Agatha’s insights and advice, I can respect her decision and wait until she is ready to re-connect. In the meantime with Agatha’s encouragement I send occasional short messages of love to my daughter so she knows I love her and want to see her when she is ready.
I knew the moment I first spoke to Agatha that we clicked. Within the first hour she so generously shared her deep knowledge of human relationships, which helped me immeasurably. She is warm, kind and honest and I would recommend her highly.