Think twice who you intend to model…


So I got terribly distracted by my reality and I stopped myself from moving forward in one particular area, writing. This huge passion and love of mine that accompanied me since I was in the vivacious year of four!

Have you ever experienced the easiness of getting side-tracked by every day chores and errands, that have nothing to do with what you truly love?

So easily done…I know, because we all need to pay our bills, or fulfil other responsibilities. So easily done…

Then we want a bit more, or we feel we need to fulfil even more responsibilities, our plans and goals expand and they suddenly require even more funds and even more responsibilities! So we work harder and harder, and we force ourselves to feel more and more responsible for things we don’t really want in our lives! Regardless if this is actually a job or business we enjoy or not, we are losing a work/life balance. And what follows after, in a very short fracture of time, is a routine, tiredness, even exhaustion, irritation, which effectively distances us from the so initially desired goal.

Once we are in the zone of making money or feeling responsible, we begin to act on autopilot, and no longer do we pay attention to the strong sensations that gush through our bodies and signal different needs. We tend to overlook them, or even consciously ignore them.

For instance, each day on social media we can hear from every angle that we need to hustle to get somewhere, that we need to work hard to achieve something, that we need to pursue and force our way to leadership – the only way to be in control of our destiny.

Well, my opinion is completely different to this. I believe in ‘No Force’.

I believe in following your flow, listening to your body’s signals and being aligned with your real-self, because the only thing that one can truly control is their mind, nothing else. You don’t need to follow other’s desire of creating another ‘so called’ leader, who faces the same challenges and same hurdles. As if you will follow their model, inevitably you are going to get the same results, both, the good ones and the less desired ones too. As each of us has two sides, the bad and the good, the black and the white. Remember, that every single person, even the richest, even the one you see as perfect, even the one that appears the most successful, positive and happy. They too have two sides. Don’t be fooled.

So, by following someone else’s model, be prepared for both sides of results. This is actually an interesting epiphany I am having as I am writing. As I need to research the way of relating with loved ones amongst the most successful individuals…Hmmm, that may bring about some interesting findings. So whoever tries to impose their ways of live, their routine or model upon you – think twice, as you may get something you are not entirely expecting.

That has always perplexed me, how so many people can model one person? Having been a unique individual, one of 7.5 billion…

As a counsellor and a life coach I work with people from all walks of life. And as much as I do believe in modelling certain behaviours, I would be very careful to apply one’s model in my own life. As their reality was completely different to mine, hence I am destined for different things. When we see a successful person, some of us naturally would like know how they became successful. And we may even get inspired by their story, which sometimes resonates with us. But again, remember that their reality was still different to ours, and what has shaped them will never be the same for us.

I love my job, as I work with people who inspire me daily! I wouldn’t like to follow their way, as I am aware that their motifs, their motivations and their story, as much as might be similar, is completely different to mine. Some of them are extremely successful individuals, which you would never suspect that may even enter a therapy. Nevertheless, they are the ones who are brave enough to face their own prejudices and beliefs that they are self-sufficient. They are on the journey of improvement as they allow themselves to be real.

But I also see those that appear so polished and so perfect on the surface, but in reality they struggle and will openly say they don’t need help, they don’t need to change, there is nothing wrong with them. They live in denial. They need help the most – unfortunately, they are not ready to receive it, they may never be…and that’s fine too. If everyone was ready to work on themselves – we therapists and life coaches would never go on holiday! And we, out of all professionals, need to exercise self-care, self-love and self-awareness through implementing strong boundaries to protect ourselves.

After years of studies I know that assertiveness and boundaries are essential for every human being to exist healthily and to evolve. I really know that. But every some time I get side-tracked by life, by some fascinations and artificial distractions and I am allowing myself to lose the balance that keeps me well grounded. I lose the distance between healthy and unhealthy. I start engaging in bad habits and surround myself with negative energies, either on a spiritual or a strictly material levels. And then I spontaneously reconnect with a beautiful energy or come across a positive vibe and I am back on track again! This is completely normal, at the end of the day, I may have studied and applying this stuff, but I am also a human, who falls and who picks herself up again and again.

What I am grateful for is that I consciously choose the surroundings of mine and the frequency of interaction with some that I have not much control over to choose. I have my incredible psychological supervisors and my own therapist and a coach that I continuously work with to enhance my ability to improve, grow and work safely and effectively.

Sometimes the connection with another being that has the capacity to accept us unconditionally is the most important part of growth we can find. Unfortunately for many, they are not their family or their loved ones. We may find that person in someone completely unrelated. I have friends that became my extended family, when the biological was absent. Eventually after a long time of searching, I found the right therapist, who I share the darkest stuff with and I feel totally liberated.

We all have choices; we can all choose. I do not believe anyone who says otherwise. Own your shit and take responsibility for everything that happens to you. Everything in life is a choice, and we only have what we tolerate. Only then we can change things, so don’t allow yourself to get side-tracked for too long…

Thank you for reading – Agatha X