Years ago, I started something called the Happiness Club in Jersey - and the honest truth is, I started it because I was not happy.
I would be lying if I told you I set it up from some serene, sorted place, wanting to spread the joy around. I was actually in a fairly grey place at the time, looking for a way out of it. As a naturally positive person, I kept trying to think my way into someone else’s “happy” box, because mine was not a very comfortable place to be. I threw myself into connecting with people - properly connecting, not just talking - looking for something worthwhile in every conversation. And, gradually, I found it.
A handful of us who had trained together started meeting regularly. We came from very different backgrounds, but we shared one thing: we all genuinely wanted to help, and to make some kind of difference. That was enough to build something on.
Three things stayed with me from those gatherings, and I still think about all three with clients now.
Giving
We talked at length about how much we give without ever registering it - our time, attention, patience, expertise - to family, colleagues, strangers, even people we do not particularly like. We give constantly, often without noticing, and we are far harsher on ourselves than we would ever be on someone else doing the same. Getting more conscious of how much we already give tends to soften how we see ourselves.
Relating
The theme of one gathering was simply “relate” - and what came up, again and again, was how much connection matters, and how much we take it for granted. I remember admitting, out loud, how hard I found it to be open about my own struggles - and watching a friend do exactly that, on camera, a few hours later, shaking with emotion. It was one of the more genuinely brave things I have seen. Happiness is not a fixed, constant state, and anyone who claims it is probably is not being entirely honest. It is something that moves - and it tends to follow the hardest stretches more than we expect.
Trying
We spent one session on learning - on trying new things, staying curious, allowing ourselves to be a beginner again as adults. I had spent years resisting my own growth without realising that is what I was doing, mostly out of fear of leaving what felt comfortable. Learning to welcome that discomfort, rather than avoid it, changed a great deal for me.
None of this was about performing happiness. It was about the much slower, more honest work of building it - together, imperfectly, one gathering at a time.
Agatha x